Monday, February 25, 2013

My Live Oscars Blog

This is my live Academy Awards Blog. It starts about a half hour into the show because I just thought of it...

By the way I am publishing it before I actually proofread it so there will be plenty of spelling and grammer mistakes that I will correct later...or maybe I wont.


8:55 - Paul Rudd and Melissa Mcarthy come out and do something that looked like it should have been funny but honest to god I have no idea what they said.

8:56 - My wife actually says "Why is she so fat?"  That's nice honey.

8:59 - Reese Witherspoon's boobs look like they are trying to eat her dress.

9:00 - The clamoring in my house for Les Miserables to win every Oscar including Best Animated Short, Best foreign documentary and the Cecil B DeMille Award reaches a fever pitch.

9:04 - Cinematography.....Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Oh Thank God one of the Doobie Brothers won.

9:07 - Visual Effects goes to......More people nobody knows or cares about!!  Hooray!!

9:10  - That guy really didn't get that his time was done did he??  Dude, That music means Shut the f' Up

9:14 - The Costume Design winner looked like she had to walk in from the parking lot.

9:20 - What the hell is Halle Berry wearing???  That looks like a costume that people in movies about the future wear.

9:24 - Did I need to hear Goldfinger?  Let me answer that for you...No.  No I didn't.

9:30 - Live Action Short goes to.... Les Miserables!!!  Wow! I did not see that coming.

9:40 - 10:10 - I had to get my clothes ready and take a shower so I missed whatever minor awards were given out and, apparently, a big  musical montage....  I feel all empty inside.

10:11 - Mark Walberg has to stand up there and pretend he is enjoying interacting with a teddy bear.  It always surprises me that the directors of the show think that will be funny.

10:14 - Did he just say there is a tie????  I would be pissed if I was one of those two.  That is kind of like getting "Participation Tropy"  You didn't actually win because everyone got one.

10:18 - Christopher Plummer looks like a corpse.

10:19 - My wife just said about Anne Hathaway "Look how her dress does the nipple thing"  What does that mean?

10:21 - Anne Hathaway and her nipple dress won!!!!

10:32 - The editing guy apparently had a seat in the parking lot next to the Costume Designer chick.
(as a side note how cool would it be to be handed your oscar by Sandra Bullock?)

10:34 - I hate hate hate the song Skyfall.  So boring.

10:43 - I didn't realize how many freakin pictures were nominated for Best Picture.  Nicole Kidman was the 10th person to announce 3 films that were nominated.  That can't be right.  Can it??

10:46 - Kristen Stewart bravely limps on stage and then sounds like she's stoned. 

10:47 - Oh My God!  Nice wig on the guy who just won for doing something for Lincoln.  He looks like if he took off his glasses the hair would come with it.

10:52 - The two old men from the Muppets balcony brought two of their friends with them and they all decided to carry an Oscar.

10:56 - Ah...the In Memoriam portion of the show.  We always love this part. A lot of sound editors and production designers this year.  Too bad more famous people didn't die.

11:00 - Barbara Streisand.  She annoys the living crap out of me.

11:02 - My wife and I think that if Cher and Jennifer Anniston had a kid it would be the 2013 version of Barbara Streisand.

11:03 - Bunny

11:04 - Our Bunny comes to feast on human flesh.

11:07 - Catherine Zeta Jones is going to be my 3rd wife. (after my current wife and Diane Lane)

11:12 - OK. What the hell is Life of PI about??  I am tired of thinking it of it as the tiger on a raft movie

11:15 - Skyfall wins best son......Zzzzzzzzz

11:23 - OK.  The time has come for the big ones

11:24 - Tarrantino wins for screenplay.  I am going to come right out and say what an insufferable douche bag I think he is. 

11:25 - ...aaannnnnddd he proves it again.

11:27 - Two awards and another commercial.  No wonder these things last longer than a Yankees/Red Sox game

11:32 - I just realized the combined age of Michael Douglas and Jane Fonda is 412.

11:33  - Ang Lee wins Best Director for the tiger on a raft movie. 

11:35 - Two awards and another commercial.  Oh My God!!  This is an excersise in torture.

11:42 - Jennifer Lawrence Takes Best Actress and promptly falls going up the stairs.  What a bittersweet moment that must be.

11:44 - "Meryl Streep's dress looks like it is made out of cement".  ...Kristen Day

11:47 - Meryl apparently doesn't beleive in suspense. 

11:50 - Jack Nicholson ladies and gentlemen!!

11:51 - Why oh why are we listening to Michelle Obama and her stupid hair??  And what was the point of her ramblings??

11:55 - Argo takes the big one.  I stongly feel that anyone who looks as good as George Clooney should not be as rich  as he is.  You get one or the other.  Not both.

That's it.  The damn thing is finally over.  Remind me to never do this again.  I am going to hate myself in the morning.

Til next time.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Motivation...or lack thereof

So I clicked on the BAA website and I got a sobering slap in the face.  There are 64 days until the marathon.  64 DAYS!!!  Holy crap!!  I have just over 2 months to train and raise money for this year's race!  After regaining my senses I wondered to myself how the hell did I let it get this late without getting some donations or getting really serious about my training???  One of the things I hate about myself is that I have a tendency to get complacent and lazy.  Just ask my wife...she'll tell you.  I go through times in my life when I am motivated and a man of action.  ...and then....well...right now I am in one of those other moods.  I have lacked any kind of motivation to get things done.  I have no idea why this is the case.  I don't know whether it is the stress at work, the Patriots loss in the AFC Championship game (to Ray Lewis no less), the fact that I am getting older and more crotchety with each passing day, the debt ceiling, my continued inability to create cold fusion or my hatred of sweet gherkins but I can't seem to get going with anything around this year's marathon run.  I have had a hard time getting out running this time of year because the only time that I can run during the week is after dinner and it is dark and cold. (and yes, I will have some delicious smoked Gouda cheese with that whine)

So I need help.  My wife does what she can to motivate me (which mostly consists of telling me to get off my fat, lazy ass and go for a run) but I think this year I am going to need more.  So I am asking anyone that reads this post to take a minute to post a comment urging me to get going.  I don't care if it is inspirational and uplifting or slightly mean or downright offensive and insulting.  I just need to have a fire lit under me.  I need to be motivated to get out on the street and I need to be motivated to do more fundraising.  As of right now I have raised exactly...well, let me check the big board....oh yeah...the tally right now is a big fat ZERO.  That won't do.  Not for Max and not for NF Inc Northeast.

I will try my best to do my part.  I hope to post here more often and really start to get the word out to get donations.  So you should get used to hearing my shameless plugs for money.  I will be more annoying than PBS during the 475th airing of the 25th anniversary concert of Les Miserables (by the way, how GOOD was that concert???)  I am going to be the Jerry Lewis of NF fundraising, I will be more cloying than Sally Struthers trying to get you to throw a sandwich at some poor Ugandan kid or Sarah McLaughlin mewling about a mangy dog that looks like it just spent a coke filled weekend at Michael Vick's house.

It will start today!  After I shovel the 214 feet of snow in and around my driveway..side rant here...My frickin snow blower broke!!!  The biggest snowstorm in 20 years and my God forsaken  snow blower breaks!!!  I'm out last night at 10:00 doing the first pass at the snow and I run over something in the driveway that gets stuck in the auger and I think it ended up either breaking or dislodging a belt.  Why does God hate me so????...end rant.  Anyway after I shovel a million pounds of snow I am going to run on the treadmill for at least an hour.  By the way if you read my last post I included a list of things that were the Devil's Work.  I count treadmills among them now.

Help me...Motivate me and let's kick this thing's ass together.  Remember I need to raise $4,000 and I want to finish in less than 5 hours.  Not much time to do either but let's give it a shot.

Til next time...

*****UPDATE *****

I did it!!!  I cleared about 250 tons of snow from my driveway (by the way my snow blower only had a hunk if wood jammed in the auger.  Once I got it out everything worked like a champ)  I cleared some of the snow off the roof and I got on the treadmill and ran for an hour.  The treadmill said I did a little over 5 miles but it seemed like it should have been longer than that.  My thanks to Jason Bourne for keeping me company for that excruciatingly looooong hour.